Soul Searching

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been having some very uncomfortable conversations with people whose opinion I value and trust. These are people who have known me a long time and who have watched my business career over many, many years.

I have been thinking about the reasons that my career to date does not match up with my aspirations and decided that I was unable to answer this question on my own. I believe there may be a mismatch between my self-perception and my reality which is stopping me from reaching my goals.

I’m beginning to think the primary roadblock is not some lack of skills, knowledge or work ethic but instead is me and my patterns of behaviour. It’s not an easy or comfortable conclusion to draw.

I started by explaining to these trusted confidants that I wanted them to be brutally honest. There is no point in doing this kind of soul searching and having them sugarcoat their answers. I asked them to give their opinion on why I wasn’t reaching my goals, what patterns of behaviour did I exhibit that stood in my way, how did I need to change to fulfil my dreams?

As each of them opened up and gave their heartfelt opinions, I began to see myself from the outside. Their words peeled away much of the protective narrative I tell myself. It was uncomfortable and hard to listen. I fought not to reply, not to try and justify myself and my actions. It wasn’t easy. My character and many of its flaws were laid bare in front of me.

I felt vulnerable and distinctly aware of how much people don’t say in the ordinary course of things. I understood how easy it is for others to see us and how hard it is for us to see ourselves. I came away with a list of things to think about, to reflect on and hopefully learn from.

I think it’s a process I’m going to need to revisit, despite how uncomfortable it was. The patterns of behaviour it identified are incredibly deep-seated, and I suspect it will be tough to change. But I remain optimistic and incredibly excited for the future.

There has been something profoundly liberating about blogging since starting in January. I recommend daily writing regardless of whether you choose to make it public.  Previously, I don’t think I would have understood that hard work wasn’t all that was required to be successful. Today I can see that to fulfil our dreams; we need to unpick our “bad-patterns” of behaviour just as much as we need to create positive habits.

It is never too late to make changes in your life. You alone control your destiny. You alone decide the pathway and set the goals. Having dreams is not the preserve of the young. Dreaming big and living the life you have always imagined is open to us all. Long before others believe, you must believe it’s possible.

Remember, we climb the mountain, not in giant leaps but one small step at a time.

Thanks For Reading!

Hi, I’m Luke Bream, the author of this blog, one of the co-founders of Valentte, hillwalker, cyclist, dreamer and an eternal optimist! My writing is focused on learning how we create the life we have always imagined, become the person we have always wanted to be in order to fulfill the dreams and goals we have set ourselves. I believe there is a power within each of us to achieve whatever we commit to mastering. Want to hear more? Read my full story. (coming soon…)

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Conversations are very boring if it’s all one-way. Don’t leave me talking to myself, wondering if what I’m writing resonates with you. Please be brave and share your own story in the comments section below. We can help each other by learning together. I read and respond to each one.

15 replies on “Soul Searching

  • Fiona Steel

    Wow. The courage it must have taken to post. I applaud you. Although I agree with what you say in many ways, the boundaries and demands of offspring often limit the abilities to be be in charge of your own future and aspirations. Coping with feeling trapped is difficult. Guess that is what we sign up for when having kids. However, we should never stop dreaming and be proud of what we achieve.

    Reply
  • Trish

    Hi Luke
    Having just read your blog I must congratulate you on your honesty I write a daily diary because I have low self esteem At first I found this really hard but now it’s second nature i had to see someone to realise that my past was interfering with my present and future So now I write a diary called my positivity diary Thanks for your inspiration

    Reply
  • Pam Quinlan

    Hi talking to your self is ok there all ways a spider in the house to hear you. Me my life starting being bullied and made to feel useless from a young age lived with parents to scared to live. Now alone still have a brother who thinks I am a dish cloth but I am moving forward no longer phone him up to ask him what to do yes there has Big mistakes the worse one trying to end my life was touching death door lucky some one found me Now I do want I want still hard to put the tv on in the morning it was banned thanks for reading say hi to the spider

    Reply
  • Jane Gould

    I hope your confidantes understood what you actually are – a Pioneer. (Something most people don’t understand) Not a settler. A fire starter; not a stove tender.
    I suspect you’re trying to be the latter. Maybe why you’re finding it a struggle.

    Reply
  • Angela Fixter

    I find your blog so honest and refreshing. It is something I look forward to reading and admire your attitude to yourself and others.
    With thanks xx

    Reply
  • Louise Russell-Boyne

    Don’t be to hard on yourself ….. life is all a bit of trial & error .
    I’ve watched your company grow through Game Fairs, Burghley etc & the internet.
    Listen to real friends but you must be yourself & make your own decisions.
    I’ve introduced three new customers in the last 18 months who absolutely love your products.
    Your blogs give me inspiration in my life too & I have made huge mistakes.

    Reply
  • Helen

    I love your blogs and can identify with every single one of them. For me I will wait until I’m on step 4 to look at all my defects. I have to work the program on a daily basis to the best of my ability and for someone like me I can see a small amount of growth.

    Reply
  • Margaret Bromley

    I enjoy reading your blogs as they give one reason to question themselves and hopefully find peace of mind. Please do not stop posting them xxx

    Reply
  • Sue

    Luke – the very fact that you are brave enough to do this and write about it, shows that change is not only likely, but inevitable. You have laid yourself bare in your blogging, and for that I admire you greatly. Good luck.

    I have bought and recommended your products many times and will continue to do so. Love your candles and they have become part of my evening.

    Reply
  • Jan Wilson

    Wow, Luke, what an honest blog. I so admire your courage in opening up to your confidants. Your products are awesome and I really enjoy using them.
    I, like you, have a particular sense of purpose and dream big. I have a strong Christian faith and have found that the indwelling Holy Spirit has given me the strength to change some of my attitudes and behaviours and bring outcomes that were even beyond my expectations. Being authentic with friends I can trust has also been incredibly helpful. I wish you every success.

    Reply
  • C Keightley

    It takes guts to ask for so much honesty from others. I am sure it was hard for you to hear. However it must have been difficult for the others as well. X

    Reply
  • Trevayne Cox

    Luke
    The only thing we all need to learn is to fully love and accept ourselves for the divine beings that we are and express and share with the world all of our individual gifts. As Matt Kahn – spiritual teacher says “You’ve done nothing wrong” as everything we have done in the past was because we were at a certain level of understanding in our spiritual growth and awareness and we will have made choices in line with that degree of consciousness. Matt also states that “Everything is here to help you” explaining that all our challenges and experiences during our soul’s journey are there for our growth and if we live less from the ego and more from the soul, we can fulfill our purpose on earth.
    and be of true service to those around us.
    You are a true inspiration with your open honesty and your courage to delve deep into the real challenging stuff below the surface that we hide behind. If you keep chipping away at all that stuff that is stopping you from shining your full light, we will all be blessed by the full expression of Luke. However you are perfect as you are. Bless you. Keep up the fantastic work!!

    Reply
  • Julie

    Sounds like yr taking the right steps forward Luke it is very difficult sometimes but you for sure will get there keep taking those steps 😇🙏👍

    Reply

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